Wanting, being, and the paradox

Inevitably, wanting something drives it away. Being attracts it.

Being means fully embodying the person who already has what you seek. Think, feel, and act as if you already possess it. Be grateful for it as if it's already true.

It's fascinating how consistently this pattern works across different domains. The wealthy person embodies confidence and generosity, and attracts more opportunities for wealth. Chasing money embodies the opposite. The loving person embodies warmth and fullness, and naturally draws others close. Chasing attention and validation embodies the opposite.

This is not suggesting we should not want anything. The desire is the initial spark, the recognition of what's missing or what could be. Without that initial wanting, there's no direction, no energy to begin.

But those who actually bring the desire to life have developed the discipline and wisdom to position their mind a certain way.

Here's the mental shift.

Wanting often carries desperation, scarcity, a sense that you don't have it. Being suggests you already contain what you seek.

Wanting places the desired thing outside yourself, making you dependent on circumstances. Being makes you the source.

Wanting projects into a future where you'll have it. Being brings that quality into the present moment.

But don't we need to set goal? Isn't goal setting a 'want' in disguise.

Just like we can set goal on leading indicators or lagging indicators, maybe the distinction is:

• Wanting-based goal setting: "I want X" → desperately seeking X → emphasise lack
• Being-based goal setting: "I am someone who..." → what would that person do? → natural action

The goal becomes the expression of your being rather than the object of your wanting. You're not setting goals to GET something, you're setting goals to EXPRESS what you already are. And that's a more effective goal.

But being-based goal might be more than just a technique - it might be more aligned with reality itself.

The distinction lies in whether owning or being is the ultimate end state.

Felix Dennis would say ownership is largely an illusion. What we call "owning" is just temporary stewardship of resources. Even that's a tiny subset of what exists. Also, we spend 99% of our time in states of being, not moments of having.

Being, on the other hand, seems to be the constant thread. The awareness that experiences having, the consciousness that witnesses ownership coming and going - that's what persists through all the changes.

Wanting-based goals are trying to possess slices of an infinite pie. Being-based goals are about becoming the kind of person who naturally participates in that abundance.

We think we want things, but what we actually want is the state of being we imagine those things will give us. We want the house for the security. We want the relationship for the love. We want the achievement for the confidence.

Being-based goals cut straight to what we actually seek.

The practical paradox is, when you focus on being, you often end up with more effective stewardship of resources. It's like having becomes a byproduct of being rather than a goal in itself.

If there's one line that captures this theme, it'd be the title of one of my favorite book: the score will take care of itself.